Cultivating Fruit through Love

by Courtney González

My mother was a master horticulturist. You could take a walk with her and point to any plant and ask what it was, and she’d give you the common name, the Latin name, what the Latin name meant, what soil it grew best in, the common diseases that plagued it, and how to take care of it. She was so good, in fact, that she was in an episode of Mr. Rogers, giving Mr. Rogers himself a tour of the conservatory she managed!

I miss her tremendously and think about her every time I water my plants, or sadly, kill them. I think about the level of knowledge and trust she had to have in her craft in order to cultivate such beauty from what God created and for each individual plant to reach its maximum potential, whether size, crop yield, color, etc. She was a master cultivator.

I want to learn to be a master cultivator in a different area; cultivating my children to grow and thrive in the knowledge and revelation of Jesus. I love the term for Kindergarten; it’s a German word and loosely translates to “garden for children” (linguists-- don’t come @ me). I have been seeking the Scriptures more intensely and have felt the weightiness of my cross in this area the longer I have been a parent. What am I cultivating in my children that would point them to Christ? What pruning must take place in order to bear more fruit? What fruits am I even trying to grow? Are the conditions and the environment my children are in conducive to bearing fruit? Are their hearts being fertilized with the proper nutrients and their minds being watered with the Living Word?

I don’t want my theology of the Gospel and my theology of parenting to be two separate paradigms; what’s basic framework for the Kingdom is basic framework for parenting. If my main goal in parenting is to curb disobedience through force, intimidation, persuasion, or coercion (no matter the degree or severity), I’ve lost my kids to parenting strategies, misaligned catchphrases, and flawed principles and have missed out on the heart of the Gospel message toward them. It’s His love that compels us to repentance (Romans 2:4) -- not His force, demands, punishment, or withholding. The whole Old Testament reflects this; God told the people to obey and the people literally could not obey; Jesus came to atone and send The Helper-- we NEED the Holy Spirit to do ANY work in us! Why do we hold our children to such a standard that God the Father knows is impossible and made remedy for in Jesus?

The fruit that are to be praised and have eternal value are these: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. What we don’t see in Scripture are differentiations of fruits for children, such as quick obedience, mild-manneredness, subservience, etc. Our desire for obedience should always be tempered by the command not to stir up anger in our children so that the heart of the child is captured through a foundation of trust and love and not wrecked by constant demands, unrealistic developmental expectations, or legalism (we see this in Matthew 21:28-32).

Children are to obey in the Lord-- not in obligation, in fear, or in blind faith-- but IN the Lord (Eph 6:1 -- if our children are obeying us for any other motivation, then it isn’t “in the Lord”). Obedience from our children comes when we cultivate in our home what is IN Jesus Himself: invitation, peace, giver of joy, gentle, meek, patient, slow to anger, love personified. I love what St. Porphyrios said: “You don’t become holy by fighting evil. […] Look towards Christ and that will save you. What makes a person saintly is love.”

Friends, we can never go wrong with Love, Who has a Name, and that Name is Jesus. I ask you, what are you cultivating in your heart today? What wounds need healing as you relate to God the Father as Parent? What fruit are your children going to eat when they see your life? What are you cultivating in your home that is wooing your children to Jesus? Are you drawing them closer to the heart of the Father, Who loves them way more than you ever could?

Let us strive towards becoming master cultivators in our homes and relationships. We may not be on an episode of Mr. Rogers, but our fruit will be stored up in Heaven for all eternity at the feet of our Savior and Friend (and we’ll never be able to kill that!).